Single Parents and Single Parenting
Many of my readers are moms (and I can’t honestly explain why). Some of them are single parents. My former students were also moms at the time I was teaching in college. Again, some of them were single parents.
Recent statistics backed by observations indicate that there is a high percentage of mommies who also act as daddies to their kids. Yes, that’s right. Single parent mothers are on the loose – not that they are wild and uncontrollable but because there is an increasing number of couples parting ways for reasons too many to enumerate. The number of single parent fathers is escalating as well along with this increasing number of single parent mothers.
A single parent family is defined as a family which consists of one parent who is caring for his or her children in the home. This task poses great challenge, because of problems arising in raising children (Andelin, 1998).
Being a single parent has a lot of enjoyment but it is also often very difficult. There is essentially no buffer between the single parent and his/her children.
Words like “broken home” devalue their family form. Children hear that their family is somehow “different”. Therefore, children of single parents are impacted in other ways, too. According to a study by Dr. Marion Lindblad-Goldberg (1988), these children are at significantly higher risk for teen pregnancy acting-out behaviors, substance abuse and idleness. Children are not impacted negatively, however, when mother’s coping skills and sense of control/mastery over her life are well-developed and strong social and community supports are maintained.
Research also shows that if a single parent cannot cope up his/her situation, there is tendency that he/she will develop a negative self-image. Consequently, the family cannot work out their own systems of love and support. While this is true for many families, some might disagree claiming that being a single parent is ok even without having a partner. “Single by choice” is what many modern women call this.
In addition, financial problems are the most common problems encountered by the single parents based on many studies. This is the reason why a single parent usually works harder than a parent with a partner. In some cases, loneliness also becomes a concern.
As means to cope with problems associated with single parenting, the following coping measures are most commonly employed by single parents in a study we conducted in Ilocos Norte, Philippines a few years ago: engaging in recreational activities (for loneliness), spend money wisely (for financial problems), time management/budgeting (for time pressure/lack of time) and praying to God’s guidance (for no one to share feelings of worries and concerns of the children and help in making important decisions. All these imply that indeed “Mommying and Daddying at the same time” is not an easy task. It takes courage and strength to be able to fulfill the roles of both parents. For this reason, single parents have earned my respect because personally, it would be very difficult for me to do the things they can despite having a strong family support. I see them as a brand new source of inspiration that symbolize the inner strength of women which most of us cannot and do not recognize in our everyday lives.
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Tags: Nursing, single by choice, single parent, single parent family
When you mentioned about single dads, i recalled a classmate from my call center training a few years back. After a single mom introduced herself as having a baby unmarried, he divulged to everyone in the class that he is a single dad. I appreciated him for being man enough to admit that. I am not judging single parents for being in that situation. Circumstances like this happens and it’s a hard situation to traverse. I am sure they learned from life the hard way and I salute those who were able to raise their kids alone in the proper way…
Scotty’s Princess’s last blog post..Nominated for the Most Social Blogger @ My Idol’s Site
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I am a single mom. I was 20 at that time (haaay) but then I am thankful that my parents are very supportive. Hirap kaya mag-aral na buntis hehe. Good thing is people in UP were kinda open-minded.
elaine’s last blog post..Vote for my blog: Filipino Blog of the Week
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I certainly believe…
It really needs so much thought and a mature perspective when it comes to family
rhon’s last blog post..Essays and More
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Surely it’s usually professional women who have a secure, and generous salary, coming in regularly, who opt to raise one or more children, without the emotional, physical or financial support of a partner.
They will have made a conscious decision to become pregnant, because they choose to experience motherhood when they are ready to, rather than having it dictated by circumstances, like whether or not they have succeeded in finding a loving partner.
I think this puts a very different light on the experiences of the single parent and their child or children. They say money can’t buy happiness, which I’m sure is true, but if you don’t know how you’re going to pay the rent or buy enough food to feed your family, it must make a significant difference to the ‘life experience’ of all concerned.
Of course, there are also strong, well-balanced family units, which have known nothing but poverty and struggle, yet the kids develop into well-adjusted adults. And there are seriously dysfunctional single parent families, which have no money problems, and enjoy the privilege of education, yet are ‘doomed’ for all sorts of reasons.
There is also a concern that when there is only one parent, and they remain in the home to care for the child or children, those offspring grow up with no role model for a work ethic. This isn’t a criticism of single parents, simply another observation of the complexities of single parenthood.
Whatever the right formula is, I’m convinced that love plays an integral role;-D
Reward Rebel’s last blog post..I Would Rather Go Blind
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@ Elaine and Ellaine,
Being a single parent nowadays is now big deal although many are truly facing many difficulties. We’re lucky, many Filipinos nowadays don’t consider this as a liability unlike some decades ago when being a single parent was a shameful situation due to ostracism by the public.
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@ Reward Rebel,
I can’t thank you enough for your opinion on this… I’m sure the readers will learn something from your sensible comment which definitely added to the info in this post. Take care and it’s always a pleasure seeing you around.
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For one reason or another, there are things in life that are beyond our personal control and we end up where we are.
There are too many different situations to generalize anything here, we just have to try our best to get by and not give up. That’s just how life is, we get a set of cards and play our hand the best way we know how.
Life’s too short to wallow in depression.
sherry’s last blog post..Let The Rain Kiss You
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you don’t usually hear of single dads, diba? but all the same, being a single mom or dad is a tough job. i for one, am a single parent but im blessed to have a good support system in my family and friends. so all im hoping for now is that God does the rest while i do what i’m supposed to do
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@ Sherry & iris,
Yes, life is really unpredictable. But if strive more to make it better for ourselves and our kids, then having no partner at all should never be seen as a problem…
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I have seen how hard it is for single parents go through parenting alone. Having both mom and dad can already have its own complexities, how much more having to raise up a child alone.
This is one of the reasons why hubby and I are committed to guide the youth in our church, allowing them to see an alternative lifestyle and how life can be better when we are under God’s umbrella.
More often than not these circumstances come as consequence to wrong choices, but we emphasize that even if we chose wrongly in the past, all these can still work together for good. I challenge young people to make the right choices even as I salute the single parents for holding on to parenting and embracing the hope that life can be better.
Jennie’s last blog post..My Fudgy Brownies
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I really can’t believe how anyone can be a single parent! THAT must be the hardest job in the world. I’m happy married and STILL it’s a struggle!
Bush Mackel’s last blog post..XBLA - Poker Smash Review (DEMO)
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Nice post! I’ve been a single mom for 5years! and for me, its not hard,hehe!But my only fear that time was when moment comes my child asks where is her dad(that Q I hated the most) but I’m lucky my kid didn’t ask such Q. And bonus she has now an instant dad, hehe!
twerlyn’s last blog post..Aw! from Dezz, Avee, Ivy and Scotty’s Princess
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My elder sister is a single parent to two lovely girls. We were, in fact, happy when she separated from her irresponsible husband. With our love and support, she survives and is happy now. I think that’s all that matters.
Marlene’s last blog post..Cher At Ceasars Palace In Las Vegas
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err…unresponsible?….irresponsible yata ang tama, he he!
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@ Bush Mackel,
Right. Having known many people (especially women) who are raising their kids singlehandedly, I’ve learned to admire them for their courage and strength. It’s not really an easy job.
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@ Twerlyn,
Well, lucky for you , my friend. Maybe you have a very strong family support and you have a lot of family members to share your tasks as a mother. Others are not that lucky which makes their lives more difficult.
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@ Marlene,
If your sister’s ex-husband is irresponsible, then her decision to part ways with him was a very good one. A woman should be loved, respected and cared for. If the guy is not ready for the huge responsibilities in having a family, then the best option for all parties involved is to part ways. The child’s welfare may suffer though. This, however, can be balanced by family support of the parent who is in custody of the child. On the other hand, having a normal family is, in my view, the best setup still.
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I salute single parents who do very well in raising kids. Ideally, the home should be a place where both parents can stay together to raise the kids. But the world is not ideal and so we have single moms and dads.
They need all the support they can get, as it is indeed tough to raise kids all by one’s self.
HotMama’s last blog post..Fussy Eaters
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@ Hotmama,
Most single parents are truly admirable for being strong… Rasing kids, especially without a support system is extremely difficult. It’s a herculean task, I admit.
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